QUEEN OF MY LIFE

In the world of mental health, I seek solace.

I have the silliest brother ever in the world :) 

I know you love me and I love you too, Dad. The chat with you, makes a big difference to my life. “Be gracious”, as you have always taught me. You don’t have the best approaches to teaching sometimes but the values you try to bring across to your children, is no doubt, the best a parent can ever teach their children.

I hope my beloved brother who is in Cairo would be safe and sound, as always :)

No words can ever describe my emotions right now. I never asked for anything. I never said to no to your requests. But I’m always trampled upon like some unwanted grass. Welcome to the darkest time of my life and here am I, taking on the challenges alone, with no social support for the refusal of social support into my life. I can do this, I still believe I can, just like I did since I was 6. I never doubted my ability to stay strong because I never allowed myself to be weak.

Excuses and lies seems to be a huge part of the lives of human. How, sad.

It hurts me to feel that I’ve never been wanted or I’m wanted when your mood is good and when things fall into place and when you think you need a family and kicked away when you think I’m creating troubles at home or when something goes wrong. It’s funny that you’re the only reason I stayed yet you want me to go away so much. Maybe I should just heed your advice? The sad truth right now is I’m not speaking with anyone who is physically staying at home. I just want a place called home and that’s so difficult to achieve. But sometimes I find how amazing I can get, to block out things that bothers me and stay happily ever after with me and my own world.

I wonder if it’s our uniform. I admit I don’t know a lot of things but I don’t think I’m proud too. For the past 3 days, I learnt nothing but experienced nasty things from fellow colleagues and clients. So much about having qualities of a nurse. I think most nurses have no such qualities, unfortunately. And the excuse? Is the vicious cycle of nursing education. Just because their preceptors were nasty to them in the past, they develop this resentment and attitude towards students. It’s funny isn’t it? Making nasty comments is so not encouraging, don’t they realize the power of language? But I like my take home messages. I learnt to be nice to people learning from me, the importance of being encouraging to others and spending <20s of my time to care for someone who requires my attention. It definitely is intriguing to have people who doesn’t appreciate others for their kindness and take for granted as well. All sorts of people around :)

I was confused over definitions and demanded clarity in almost every thing that was happening in my life till a point I realized that the task is actually impossible. No matter how I thought about certain things, there weren’t answers at all. Worse of all, it was making me more confused and troubled. Now, I actually appreciate the fact that some definitions are better off not defined at all. When some things become too clear, things are not so perfect anymore :) Irresponsible? I choose not to think it that way. Its a matter of beliefs.

Why is it that it is so difficult for respect to be given to another individual?